This Is Not A Love Song

I’m going to start a new project today. I feel like this blog could and should be a great outpost for my recent feelings about dating/love/relationships in general and how I don’t have the best luck in that field (at least in the recent comparison to approximately 95% of my friends these days). But I’m not going to use this blog for a rant. I’ve definitely thought about that, believe me, but I have decided on a superior method which is a reaction to my feelings.

Enter, The “Non-Love Song” Song of the Day Blog Post.

I was recently discussing songs that have nothing to do with love, with a friend of mine who (appropriately?) went through an odd break-up of sorts. She was seeking some music to listen to which did not remind her of her unfortunate predicament. Not a song about or love, nor a song about break-ups; a song that has nothing to do with love.

I explained to my friend that one of the reasons I love The Beatles so much is because I would estimate that maybe 50% of their songs have nothing to do with love. For example, take the songs, Being For The Benefit of Mr. Kite (about a circus), Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds (inspired by drugs or who knows what), Maxwell’s Silver Hammer (about a boy who pummels others with a hammer) and Octopus’ Garden (fantasizing about living under water). As a contrast, my parents actually do own an album of The Beatles’ love songs. I think it would be fantastic to compile all their songs that are not about love.

I could surely go on about The Beatles all day, but today’s post features a song by another group that is what I consider the ultimate in songs that are not about love. This is Nouvelle Vague’s, “This Is Not A Love Song,” which thankfully stays true to the title.

I’m not sure I’m going to post a non-love song every day, but definitely be on the lookout in the future for more music posts of this nature. I think I could definitely get the hang of this non-anti-love music postings. Enjoy!

Can Guys Change?

Can guys change? I used to think that there was no use in trying to get a guy to change for you. Guys tend to be very stuck in their ways. If they say something, there’s a pretty sure chance that they mean it. But lately I’ve found myself questioning my very own sturdy system of thinking about guys. I liken it to my hopefulness, but it seems I am not the only one who would like to try to change a predicament with a guy.

Scene 1: Guy likes Girl and conveniently Girl likes Guy back. Girl wants to be with Guy in a relationship. Guy tells Girl he is not interested in anything serious now. Girl doesn’t know if she should stick with Guy, in hopes that maybe more exposure Girl and Guy have to each other, the more Guy will want to stay with Girl in a relationship. 

Scene 2: Guy likes Girl. A lot. Girl is persistently hesitant about liking Guy, at least as much as Guy likes her. Girl wishes Guy was different in order to be someone she actually wants to be with, although does enjoy the attention Guy gives her… which is a great deal. 

The question remains the same: can Girl change Guy? Sure, each situation is different, but I think it really just comes down to the same thing. Are guys more malleable than we think, or are men as adamant as they lead us to believe? Is it worth trying to change our men to suit our needs/wants? If we try to change them will we learn anything from the process? Is it worth it? The question remains…

Restricted Blogging Areas

I blog about many different things; six or more specific topics, to be exact (Celebrities, Arts, general Ponderings, Sports, Love, the DC Metro, and Food/Drink). With so many topics to cover, many people have asked me what I will not write about as a blogger. Sure, I’ve got a lot of ground to cover on this blog, but there are still some topics I will rule as off-limits.

Some things are best left off-limits.

First off, there’s the touchy subject of dating. Yes, I frequently touch upon relationships and such, but notice how I have rarely detailed my accounts of specific guys of whom I’ve met. Sure, there are plenty of bloggers out there who enjoy recounting every detail of every (failed) date and so forth. And while I’ve considering using anonymous nick names to describe these such men-folk, I have decided against it. Too many people read this who know me and I wouldn’t want the wrong information getting spread around about myself. It’s not really something I want being visible to future suitors. So instead, when I feel the need to communicate a certain issue with a certain guy in my life, I instead turn it around as a general topic for discussion.

Another subject I will not blog about is any type of negative relationship I might have with another person. For a similar reason to the above off-limits subject, I don’t want rumors being spread about me and whoever else is involved in my life. Some things are best left off the radar for the public to get involved in. Sure, it may be difficult to stay away from ranting about certain people upsetting or frustrating me, but I know that the internet is a big place and if the subject of my post sees something negative written about them, then that can’t lead to good things.

After watching the movie, “Julie/Julia,” I have decided to best and avoid blogging about work and my job. I won’t give anything away, but there’s a part of that movie, where the main character writes about her job, and her boss finds out and it’s not a good thing. I’m not sure if my co-workers have ever stumbled upon my blog (I doubt it), but I don’t want them to find out that this is me. It’s not like I write anything that incriminating on here, but you never know. Plus, my work life is none of your business. Ha.

Basically, I won’t write about anything too personal or too revealing. I know a few people who have blogs and write about subjects that are pretty personal. It may work fine for them, but I’d like to be able to get away with writing as much as I can about what interests me, without revealing my true identity. It’s seemed to work fine for me so far, and you’ve been a fantastic audience, in reading my blog without asking for much more about who I really am.

I'm not the only one who might want to preserve my true identity...

The Friends Zone

I think I have been placed in the Friends Zone. This was not what I had wanted. The Friends Zone, although a perfectly fine place to be, is only appropriate for some –though not all– instances. The Friends Zone, for those unfamiliar with the term, is what happens when you have met someone and have decided that you want to be friends with that person. (If you want a more in-depth explanation, check out the page on Wikipedia.) Here is a perfect example of being in the Friends Zone:

As you can see, the Friends Zone can be loads of fun… if it’s mutual. However, being placed into the Friends Zone unexpectedly can be a real bummer; especially if you were expecting something more. Something like, a “real” relationship. Something along the lines of like-liking/loving that person. I can tell you from personal experience, that sure, it could be worse to be in the Friend Zone, but it’s not really ideal.

The problem, is that entrance into the Friends Zone isn’t always the same and it can be hard to keep track of how you got in there to begin with. In my most recent case, I think I have been placed into the Friends Zone due to indecisiveness and nervousness on the other person’s behalf. After a month’s worth of dates, there has been no flirting, very minimal physical interaction, and in general, we basically just act like friends to each other. But let me get this straight- this was not my planned course of action.

So, it seems that quite possibly, I have become “just a friend” to this guy. And while most people are perfectly contempt with being sucked into the vortex of the Friends Zone, I want out. I want to figure out how to not only escape the wrath of the Friends Zone, but how to leap above, and escalate this to what I thought I was getting myself into: Real Dating With A “Higher” Purpose. It may not be clean and easy, but I still think it’s worth a shot. And if the worst that could happen is that I could just be stuck in the Friends Zone, then like I said, it could be worse. I’ve dealt with that result before, and I can be ok with it. I just want a more agreeable closure.

Looking For Ladies In Relationships

Dear readers, please answer the following questions:

1. Are you female?
2. Are you in a relationship?
3. Do you like to go out to bars and have fun?

If you answered, “yes” to all three of these questions, then you are just who I am looking for! You should be quite honored. You see, a while back, I touched upon this matter, but today I am expanding on this discovery of mine.

This past weekend reminded me of this such scenario. I was out with a bunch of my friends, most of which are single. We went to a bar and I found myself mingling with some of the strangers there, one of whom was a very friendly guy. This guy and I had an engaging conversation and I could tell this guy was interested in me. I was pretty elated, since this rarely happens to me.

During my conversation with this guy, one of my single, guy friends walks over. I am still not quite sure why he came over to talk to me, but nonetheless, it was possibly the first ever time I have been “cock-blocked” (as the cool kids like to call it). I was annoyed. I couldn’t really tell my guy friend why I needed him to leave, with this new fellow within earshot, but I couldn’t just ignore him either. I was petrified that this guy friend of mine would appear as a romantic interest of mine, in front of this potential guy.

Nobody likes to get blocked.

Sure enough, after a few minutes wherein I could only imagine this guy was impatiently waiting for me to re-join the conversation, my new friend informed me he was leaving. You can imagine how disappointed I was. This nice guy who seemed rather promising and who was actually interested in me was under the false impression that I wasn’t interested in him. He took my hands in his, shook them, telling me he was very glad to have met me, and was out the bar’s door, into the cold, winter night, in what seemed to be the blink of an eye.

After reflecting on this sad story, I have come to a conclusion. I need more friends to hang out with who are females in relationships (or who can hold their own in a bar, if a friend is pre-occupied). Being around other single girls will just pose as competition. When groups of single girls are on the prowl, this can be intimidating to a lone guy, who would otherwise be interested in talking in a more one-on-one atmosphere. However, the benefit to companionship of ladies who are already taken is that they will not flirt with other guys. They will most likely go out just to have fun and enjoy themselves, not in the hunt for a new male companion. Hanging out with guy friends, is also a big no-no, as it will appear as the two of you are on a date. So basically, I need to go out with stronger females.

Is there anybody out there?

Kickball Revelation

I am writing this drunk. I have been blogging for more than a year and have yet to write a blog while drunk so I think it’s about time. True, since I’m not wasted and since my computer underlines any misspelled words, this will not seem like a drunkenly-written post. But it is. I promise you that.

So I have have recently come to a pretty sad conclusion about playing kickball. After being on a kickball team for the past four seasons, I have come to the conclusion that I will not get into a relationship through kickball. I have been through the kickball system so long without a boyfriend, that at this point, with my history, it is highly unlikely that I will actually get a BF.

Yes, it is a sad thought, especially since one of the reasons for continuing with kickball was to hopefully get into a relationship. But since I have spent so much time within the kickball system with such an unsuccessful pattern of being sans-boyfriend, there is no way I can be so positive that I will leave this season with at least a boyfriend under my belt. I can no longer assume that since I have been “in the system” for so long, that it has been about time for me to have a BF.

Sadly that is not the case. And maybe now that I am finally coming to terms that I should not be looking for a relationship through kickball, maybe just then will I find a BF. You know what they say, “It’s when you aren’t actively looking for a relationship, that’s when you actually get into a relationship.” Yeah, well, we shall see about that…

I’m An Independent

So I have been thinking about my not so successful search for finding a boyfriend. Through my frustrations, I realized that this might have something to do with the fact that for some reason I seem to be anti-committal. I don’t know why I am like this, however. I looked at my family, and if my parents were divorced, maybe that would make sense. But my parents met in high school, and have been together ever since.  No, that wasn’t it. I tried to think about what events or situations in my life, made me feel this way. Why am I so “afraid” of a commitment?

I think it’s because I am such an independent and strong-willed person. This is fine, sure, but it’s like, I don’t know if I will ever find a guy to complement those characteristics of myself. Sometimes I wish I was very dependent on others like some people I know, but that is so not who I am. It makes the boyfriend search very frustrating, knowing that because of my strong personality, my individual quest is made all the more difficult.

With all this being said, who knows if there is a guy out there who can combat my tenacious personality. Most guys I meet, either have very humdrum personalties, at least when compared to mine. I just like to live life on the edge and take chances, and I want someone who feels the same way. Not to get all hopelessly romantic, but I always think that…

Sunday vs. Thursday Kickball

S. 39  9/25/09

So I’ve already played two games of Sunday kickball and I’ve got almost 4 complete seasons of Thursday kickball under my belt and let me tell you, there are a lot of differences I can gather from playing kickball in the different divisions.

Sure the game is the same both on the fields and at the bar. The intentions seem to all be the same too. The camaraderie and friendships are there too.

So aside from the most obvious difference that I am playing on Sunday afternoons (the end of the weekend) versus Thursday nights (so close to the weekend you can taste it), there are some pretty surprising differences, too.

I’ll begin with the more obvious. Unlike having to worry about the limited daylight hours in the dwindling fall evenings, Sunday afternoons are filled with beautiful, warm sunlight. It’s actually been hot as the sun shines down on us on the bar’s outdoor patio, so much that I’ve felt like I was getting sunburned. Thursday evenings, many players can be seen sporting sweatshirts and sweatpants.

Probably related to this issue of light is the number of innings we play in the game. On Thursdays we play 5 innings, although due to the limited light we have decreased it to a mere 4 innings. On Sundays, we play a whopping 6 innings! Crazy.

Also different is the number of teams that play per division. The Capital division spans  playing on two days: Wednesday and Thursday, with about 8 teams on each day. In the Constitution/Sunday division, there is only one day to play on, and so half as many teams. This also creates a much more intimate group of players and I have the feeling that by the end of the Constitution season, I’ll get to everyone much more closely.

Another observation I’ve made about the differences in these two kickball divisions is that (maybe because this division is older but) the Capital division is much more involved in the social aspect of the league than the Constitution division. For example, the Capital board members create and write two weekly email newsletters. The first one is known as “Everybody Scores!” and sets up each game of the week. It lets players know of the predicted weather, the match-ups, and which team is predicted to win. The second e-newsletter is called “That Was The Week That Was” (or TWTWTW). This newsletter is a recap of the week’s events: games both on the fields and at the bar. It lets everyone know the final scores, the kickball highlights, and any shenanigans that occurred at the bar. There is also something called, The Crystal Pitcher award which is given to the team who has the most spirit at the bar. This is given out at the end of the season.

Another interesting thing to note is because of the difference in game times/days, it creates a much different social atmosphere. It seems like on Sundays afternoons, there is more of a mood towards friendship. To contrast, Thursday nights call for flirting and a much higher chance of going home with another player. Probably because of Casual Fridays and many students not having classes on Fridays, many players see Thursday night as an optimal time for furthering a crush or creating a one night stand. Another contributor to this is that Thursday night players get much more rowdy and drunk and so the inhibitions are let loose. Sunday afternoons are leisurely and friendlier. Nobody seems to get the urge to get crazy drunk before the work week starts again and if the temptation to go home with a player was present, it would probably be more like a date and less like a hookup.

This last statement however, does make for a good thing for those in kickball who seek a significant other. While Thursday players seem to get physical before getting to know the other on a more personality basis, Sunday players seem to get the advantage of discovering each other on a more friendly basis and less physical. True, each way has its advantages and disadvantages. But for someone looking to find a “real” relationship, I’d recommend a day-time division.

All in all, I’m very satisfied with each division. It’s kind of a breath of fresh air the way each division is so handled differently. It’s a nice switch-up.

Good Decision Week

P. 70  8/28/09

This week has been a monumental week for me in making good decisions. Who knew I could make so many good decisions in a week!? I sure didn’t. But I’m not complaining.

First of all, I realized that an obsession I’ve been having about a guy I dated last year and yet for some reason I’m not over, is going nowhere. I realized that I should stop all this nonsense before I get myself hurt…again or do something dumb. So I listened a lot to the South Pacific song, “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Out Of My Hair” and did just that. (I hope.) I’m friends with the guy which is good and it should stay that way. Maybe I still like him a teensy bit, but I realized my latest relapse was pointless so hopefully that won’t happen again.

Second of all, an ex recently IMed me while I was at work. Normally, I would say hi and have a blah conversation with him. But I have a new goal not to hang out or “overly socialize” with him unless I am dating someone else. So I didn’t give in to his friendly and innocently-seeming “what’s up?” I was pretty proud of myself.

Third of all, I have decided to go to the beach this weekend instead of attending a few parties in D.C. I am missing one party with a friend who I haven’t seen in a year and who I keep trying to see with no success. I am also missing my kickball mid-season party with an open bar. Yes, I said, open bar. Typically I love the kickball parties and hanging out with all of my friends. They are so much fun. But I have been sick and shouldn’t drink. I know that if I’m not drinking at a kickball party, I won’t have much fun. Plus, it’s supposed to thunderstorm all weekend and I don’t want to be wandering around in unfamiliar D.C. neighborhoods in the rain. By going to the beach I can (hopefully) avoid all of that. Plus…it IS the beach!

Who knew I could have so much self control? It’s almost as if I’m growing up and becoming more of an adult. Weird…

I Know I’m Crazy, But…

S. 34  8/27/09

I realize I might not always make the best of decisions all the time. I know a lot of my friends think I’m often crazy. And for good reason, I suppose. One of my lifetime mottos is: “Making poor decisions is the spice of life.” It’s true. For example, have you all seen the movie, Yes Man? (It’s actually not that bad of a B movie as you’d think. I liked it!)

My history of making questionable decisions has led me to this blog post. Hopefully I can get some advice/input on my latest, greatest decision to make. I’m thinking that if I let the public know about this next choice, then I will be slightly more “sane” when I do chose my outcome.

So anyways, I currently play kickball. I’ve been in the Capital division for a few years, as this is my fourth season. I have been around for quite a decent amount of time in kickball years. (Actually this might not be true. I have a feeling that the average kickballer sticks around for at least 3 seasons.)  [On a side note, I just found this great article about kickball in the city.]

Recently I got an email from the Kickball organization asking if anyone would like to join up with another division of the league. (To note: all divisions are separate and do not play each other ever.) I guess this group, the Constitution division is new and lacks enough players for every team so they are recruiting from other divisions. They have also greatly reduced the joining fee by a whopping $15 in order to entice people to join. Oh, and these teams play on Sunday afternoons.

So I am considering joining. Here is my list of the pro’s and con’s of this decision: 

Pro’s

• I don’t really do anything on Sunday afternoons anyways, so this would give me something to do.
• Maybe (?) I could improve  my kickball game.
• I could “escape” the normal drama of the Capital division.
• (most importantly) I could make a ton more friends. -My first season in my current division I made a lot of new friends. One of the best things about DCKickball is that it’s such a “forced” social setting where you meet a lot of people in a short amount of time.
• Many people date and get married through kickball relationships. Since I’m still single, maybe by joining two divisions at once, I’ll be increasing my chances of getting into a relationship.
• The exercise is healthy.
• The price is right.

Con’s

• The idea of getting drunk not just twice in one week, but also within four days isn’t necessarily appealing. (And just plain drinking without getting drunk is fine, but drinking to drunkenness is a big part of this kickball league. I wouldn’t want to let my new team down by being a “party pooper.”
• Really? playing on TWO kickball teams at once? It’s a tad confusing and crazy. Really.
• Having solid plans on Sunday afternoons, limits my free weekend time. This means that being tied down could limit going to Caps games on Sunday afternoons and weekend traveling. 
• It might be weird going from being a “veteran” in one division, to being the “newbie” in another division. 
• I’m not sure I want to join into another division without the company of a buddy/friend who also wants to join. Since I’m shy, I’m not sure I could get the full kickball experience from being shy and not talking to people, especially if I don’t know anyone. When I joined my current division, I knew a couple people, so meeting people was slightly less awkward.

Anyways, so that’s what I’ve been thinking. The first game in the Sunday Constitution division starts September 13th, so I should probably decided pretty soon. Any advice? Suggestions? Anyone want to join with me too?