Re-Teaching Myself To Walk

I got new shoes! And I just have to blog about them!

Over the weekend I went to Baltimore for my friend Matt’s birthday. On Saturday we took an adventure to the neighborhood of Hampden, a place that deserves to be visited more often. One store that I have paid a few visits to and which is the location of my most recent and epic purchase is Ma Petite Shoes. This quirky store sells every woman’s dream: chocolates and shoes. It may seem like a confusing combination, but their selection of each is very impressive and of a high quality.

On this most recent outing, I was looking to buy a pair of platform shoes, preferably over three inches- for a 1970’s costume I’ve been piecing together. As Matt and I strolled through the store, my eyes caught upon a certain shoe:

These shoes are by the company, Jeffery Campbell and the style is called Bondi. The massive sized wedge immediately caught my attention. This shoe was insane! My friend encouraged me to try it on. Apparently this was the last pair in the store and fortunately, it was in my size.  It was a sign. The shoes were easier to get on than they were to walk in, of course. I took a few steps and to my amazement, I did not fall. The nice saleslady and my friend encouraged me to take my time and walk around the store to get used to these enormous shoes.

There were a few other amazing contenders which I tried on, but my friend kept pressuring me back to the initial pair. I was torn in my decision. I normally wear flat shoes or very low heels, so to go out on a limb and purchase these mammoth heeled shoes would definitely be out of my comfort zone. But then again, you only live once and these shoes were kind of what I had been searching for. Eventually, and after much consideration and thought, I decided to just go ahead and make the purchase. It sure helped that they were 50% off too. When the price was rung up, I was surprised at the price, expecting another digit to be read.

I ended up wearing them out that night (thus ensuring I could not change my mind and return them). I shocked myself and my friends when I wore them, making my height notch in at 6’1″. Just wow. I am still in shock that I made this purchase, but I am glad I have them in my possession. I am looking forward to wearing them for going out and such; just as long as there isn’t a lot of walking involved.

Many of my friends have asked me if and how I can manage to walk in these shoes. I can walk, but I am still practicing. I keep having to remind myself the basics of walking: heel, toe, heel, toe. I admit that it’s absurd that I have to re-teach myself to walk, but for these suckers, it’s worth it. Now I truly know the meaning of having to suffer for fashion, and baby, it’s worth it.

Ugly Shoe 4

We’re traveling back in time for this edition of our Ugly Shoe. We’re taking it back to the 1970s, but we’ve accidentally tripped in the 80’s or something. Something went horribly wrong with this shoe. The intention probably started out as a 70s looking lace-up platform, which although is terribly out of date, at least is a legit type of shoe. But then someone had the idea to put in a peep toe, use a bizarrely narrow heel, and don’t even get me started on the color/print…

 

Penny Loves Kenny Zen Reptile Peep Toe Oxford, $49.94

…(Too late.) The unfortunate material this shoe is made of is a snake skin gone wrong. It’s like a rare form of some Halloween Snake has been skinned. Whoever had the bright idea (literally! ha) to make an orange shoe, was not thinking right. When was the last time the combination of orange and snake skin worked well together?

 

Bizarrely narrow heel

Granted, the shoe’s color is listed as “Brown” so there might be hope in this not looking like a bad 70s Halloween. But the heel looks like a genuine brown wood color, and the snakeskin sure looks not-the-same-color to me…

But still, the fact that an out-of-date shoe was  used, is a recipe for disaster. Adding the open toe did not help to possibly modernize(?) the look. I can not imagine this shoe looking good with any outfit. 

At least it’s not too expensive so that in the unfortunate case this is ever purchased (and for some awful reason it could not be returned…probably the store wouldn’t want it back), the purchaser wouldn’t feel too terrible for making the purchase. (Actually, I’d just feel bad enough if I wasted my money on these. That would/should be punishment enough.)

Ugly Shoe 3

This folks, might be the shoe that inspired the Ugly Shoe documentation series. It was puke at first site. There is way too much going on in this shoe to make it appealing.

You’ve got the assorted small confetti-like flowers drowning in peanut butter Tan, and an odd ruffled purple ribbon that adorns the foot opening, and an odd, pink painted cork heel. The heel itself, is enough to make you want to completely trash this creation.  I’m not sure if the flowery patterned fabric could stand on its own, but I’m leaning towards no. The purple and pink details also don’t help this atrocity, because those colors are not actually found in the patterned fabric. Also, this open-toe design probably is even more unnecessary detail that does not help this shoe. (Especially if you assume that most people who wear sandals or other open-toed shoes, choose to paint their toenails. That’s ok, but the extra color added to this shoe would add to it’s ugliness.

Poetic Licence Saucy Platform Pump, $99.95

(another view)

 

 Even for DSW, the price is a steep almost $100. I’m hoping the high price (among other things) help contribute to making people not want to buy this product fail. I also question why this is referred to as a “Platform” style. Is it just me, or is this more along what you think of, when you hear the term Platform Shoe:

 

Yes, those are Game Boys in the platforms!

Or, the more tame version of a Platform

Any way you look at it, the “Saucy Platform Pump” is full of all things wrong. The only sauce this shoe has, is a generous helping of Ugly Sauce.