I Wanted Swine Flu

3 11 2009

P. 84  11/3/09

As some of you may know, I was trying to get the Swine Flu. I know, this is a deadly disease and that ok, sometimes I don’t make the wisest of choices. So let me explain…

Today at work we have conferences all day. We have employees from Oklahoma City (another site of our offices) come all the way up to D.C. for this. All day long we discuss branding and how logos and such should officially be used. We also discuss and look over everyone’s previous art work and talk about our creative processes. Well, I’m still sort of considered the “newbie” and as a result, 95% of the work I do just uses already-created templates where I insert new text or pictures. It’s pretty basic work. No creative processes involved. Last year at our Branding Day, I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and had a hard time keeping myself awake and engaged. This year, when my boss announced we were having another Branding Day, I decided to go to desperate measures to try to get out of this eight hour day of Hell. (True, I could just lie, but I would feel really guilty and plus, I have found that I am a pretty terrible liar.)

So I came up with the seemingly ingenious plan: I needed to get the Swine Flu (or regular flu) in order to have a legit excuse not to be able to come in. Just normal being sick, would not be a good enough excuse to miss this, and I feared that if I didn’t have a real deal reason not to come in to work, I could suffer some serious consequences, which I was not interested in finding out about. But oh, the Swine Flu! How perfect! Nobody wants to catch it, and if you have it, you are required to stay home for a decent amount of time. Nobody would want me to come in then!

So my plan was to hopefully catch the Swine Flu over the weekend, preferably Sunday, after Halloween. I’d come in on Monday, displaying some serious symptoms, and then have to not come in the next day, which just so happened to be out Branding Day. (“Awww, geez, fellas, I’m too sick! Sorry!”)

Well Monday was a normal day at work. But then I got an email from a roommate who had recently come back from a two-week-long trip to Spain. She said she was feeling rather sick and might have the Swine Flu and was going to the doctor. Perfect, I thought! I can go home and catch the sickness from her, the night before the “big day.” Well, it worked. Sort of. I did develop a persistent dry cough. But that was it. This morning, I tried calling in to work to tell my boss that although I was planning on coming to work (playing it like the good worker I am) I was going to explain that I could have the flu. But, alas, my boss and none of my co-workers were answering their phones, so I just had to rough it and go in anyways.

So I’ve been at work, suffering through this day-late cough and this very boring conference day. Well, maybe I’ll get brownie points for dragging my sick self here?

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