Friend-Crush Dilemma

15 10 2009

L. 33  10/15/09

So I have a dilemma. I have this friend who I’ve had a crush on for a long time (at least 4 years). This friend doesn’t know it because I haven’t told him. I’ve wanted to confess my love, but I’m pretty positive my friend only likes me as a friend and then it would most definitely be awkward. I’ve decided that I would much rather be friends with this person and just secretly like them a lot, then to possibly ruin a friendship or at least make it terribly awkward. So ok, that’s how it’s been for the past 4+ years and while it stinks because for the most part this guy has been single and pseudo-desperate, that’s just the way I decided to have things be.

So here’s my problem. My friend-crush is home for a few weeks. He currently lives on the other end of the country which is great for him but not for me and my love for him. So he’s been wanting to make plans with friends at home. I would love to see him, but I don’t want to make plans with just the two of us. (We have rarely/never hung out just the two of us.) I would like to try to pull in one of our many mutual friends to hang out, but I also don’t want to seem needy. (Although since he’s finishing his vacation soon, I may have to.)

Sometimes, I’ve drunk dialed him, thinking that if I tell him my true feelings for him while drunk, then if he doesn’t feel the same, then I can just play it off, that I was drunk and not thinking about what I was saying. You know, a lot of people, when drunk, tell their friends that they really, really love them. One time too, when I was drunk, I came very close to telling this guy how I really felt. But I still couldn’t bring myself to take that leap of faith.

It just stinks, because in the back of my head, I always imagine the like, 0.5% chance that if I ever tell him how I really feel for him, he will accept my feelings and appreciate it and maybe, just maybe it wouldn’t ruin our friendship. But I don’t want to take that chance, so I’ll never know…

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5 responses

15 10 2009
Patrick

How close are you guys? If you are really close friends I think you can honestly talk about it.

15 10 2009
dazey2

not very close.

15 10 2009
Matthew B.

you’re nuts.

3 03 2010
Chasing Amy Best Quote « C.A.P.S.love.

[…] as speeches go, in light-hearted chick flicks. But the words Holden said rang pretty darn true to a similar position I have found myself to be in before. Below is Holden’s speech: I love you. And not, not in a […]

6 09 2014
Stephanie

I know exactly how you feel!! I had a crush on this guy who I have been best friends with for 6 years and I really liked him. I wrote a note to him with my phone number and he texted me, he figured out who I was and he said he only liked me as a friend even though my best girlfriends keep telling me otherwise. Things got really awkward really fast and we didn’t talk to each other for a few months so I broke the ice and talked to him. Now everything is all good between us. We’re back to being how we used to be, friends. But every once in a while you will hear people at my school making fun of us, and saying that we’re dating. But he doesn’t care so neither do I. I hope this helped and maybe gave you some courage. 😁

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