To Key To Winning: Be Foreign Or Be Dead

23 02 2009

Scene:  The Academy Awards: 2009 February 22, 2009, 8 PM EST

It seems that the way to win an Oscar these days, is to be foreign-born and/or dead. Those are the two biggest characteristics that the majority of last night’s Academy Awards shared.

Let us review some of the 2009 Oscar winners who fell into these categories:

  • Kate Winslet (Best Actress) – born in England
  • Slumdog Millionaire (Best Picture, among other awards) –  from India
  • Penelope Cruz (Best Supporting Actress) – born in Spain
  • Heath Ledger (Best Supporting Actor) – born in Australia  AND IS DEAD.

I think the Academy Awards should only be for pure-bred Americans. The awards take place in the U.S. and most of the movie are American-made. Let’s get rid of these foreigners and take back control of our country’s entertainment industry! Since there are so many foreign actors these days, why don’t we just hold the Alien Academy Awards (AAA for short.)

And then there’s the next point: Heath Ledger, while one of the most versatile actors as of late, and totally deserving of an Academy Award is also kind of dead. He’s not actually able to receive an award. My friend who has always dreamt of winning an Oscar, was complaining to me when he found out that Heath Ledger won:

“If I were nominated for an Oscar, and was lost to a dead guy, I would be so annoyed and upset. I lost to a dead guy?!?!”

I joked that to get an award, maybe you just have to die. How unfortunate and ironic. “Dead” is so “in” right now. Maybe to go along with the Alien Academy Awards (AAA), we should also hold an Oscars: Dead (O.D.) version of the annual awards ceremonies too. It would include all of the great actors who have died.  My friend and I discussed some of the past winners which would include:

  • Paul Newman
  • Katherine Hepburn
  • James Dean
  • and now Heath Ledger. (Why not put him in his own category of dead actors, where he would better fit in?!)

So those are my thoughts on the winners. Some other things I feel the need to point out are the top 2 scariest moments of the 81st Academy Awards:

1. Tilda Swinton’s “garment of choice.” She looked like a mummy that was trying too hard to fit into life in the 21st century. As if her alien-like looks, aren’t freaky enough, she opted for this bizarre, wrapped up, sloppy top, which also blended too closely into the shade of her skin. I can imagine that from far away, it probably looked like she had numerous flaps of super loose skin. EW.


2. The interview with the kids from Slumdog Millionaire with E! Network’s Ryan Seacrest, wasn’t so terrible as you would expect from a TV host who seems so clueless and out of it. (Granted, he couldn’t and wouldn’t for the life of him, pronounce the kids names, and then failed at an interview with one kid who apparently doesn’t speak any English.)

The thing that did find its way into my top 2 worst moments was E! hostess’, Giuliana Rancic comment after the interview with the kids from the cast:

“Awww, those kids are adorable. They are just so delicious!”

Woah there, Giuliana. Contrary to what you may have learned in the entertainment business, children are NOT for eating. And just because they are from India, does NOT mean they will taste like Gulab Jamun or Chicken Tikka or Naan.

And lastly, has anyone ever heard of the nominated live action short, “The Pig”? Because my brother and I HAVE to see it. It looks like it is about this painting that has become an inside joke amongst my family. If anyone has any information about this movie, I would love to know.




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