Beneficial Friends Pt. 2

29 01 2009

Although my first installment of the discussion of Friends With Benefits was really just about the specific terminology used, I see no reason why not to continue this discussion.

So I read someone else’s blog about this same subject….or at least it was about the pros and cons to being “friends with benefits” (shorthand, fwb).

A friend of mine explained “there are so many different levels of friendship, and I think that [fwb] falls within the “friend” spectrum.” True, they don’t call it friends with benefits for no reason. The two partners in this sort of relationship are indeed a kind of friends. However, maybe not really the kind of friend you can tell your deepest secrets to, since you are both mainly together for the physical aspects. Yet, fwb are a weird sort of friends, nonetheless.

Like my friend said, (and which I touched on in my post, I Can’t Read…You,) there is a sort of “friend spectrum.”   There are the friends which are super close to you, that you have known for a good chunk of your life; the “best friends”; the friends who may be flakey, or have an annoying habit, but you stick with them anyways; “regular old regular friends”; friendly acquaintances, acquaintances, and sometimes there are even friends with benefits.  But see, it wouldn’t be called friends with benefits if both of you weren’t some kind of friends.

The way I see it, fwb is not the same as F*** Buddies, which many people often confuse and group together. A good example of fwb is the friend you’ve had for a long time, and who you have grown to develop other feelings for. So the two of you make out one time to see if you like it, and you do, and continue to do friend things while also being physically attracted to each other. Sometimes this situation develops into a real relationship. Other times it does not and fizzles out.

In the case of F***Buddies, each side is really ONLY with the other to make out, have sex, get each others’ hormonal feelings out., etc. There is no kind of friendship here. This is closer to being with a prostitute on a regular basis, and whom you do not have to pay. (Ok, that was a little harsh, but I feel it is a good comparison.) This might also be more comparable to having a “fling.”

With fwb, neither person is necessarily looking to be anything more than just fwb. In a relationship for real, each person is looking for a commitment. For those in a fwb, no commitment is needed. This is a “good choice” for those who might be afraid of commitment or who are unsure of what they would like in a partner. Or, if someone might be interested in a potential partner, but does not want the strings attached to really dating them exclusively. The latter kind of goes against what dating really means. Because if you are solely and only “dating” someone, you can not also be in a sort of relationship with them too. How can you be dating someone who you are in a relationship with, even if that relationship is just fwb?

Basically you can not date someone you are fwb with. Fwb is the hazy line between dating and being in a relationship. It is the middle ground. It is like “relationship purgatory.” Should you cut it off for good? Or should you stick with it? Neither of you know, and you are not sure where you want it to go, so you just have a good, confusing time in good, ol’ relationship purgatory. Ha.

Now I know this is just one little topic in the ongoing debate about fwb. I do not plan on discussing every side to every discussion, but I thought I’d keep this topic going just a little further.




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