Oh So White

22 03 2010

This past weekend I came to an unfortunate realization about my dating life. It has come to my attention that frequently very white guys are attracted to me, while I am attracted to anyone except for the “painfully white” white guys.

"Classic White"

"Classic White"

Let me elaborate. Some of you might be confused. No, I am not saying that I am against the Caucasian race. I am very much attracted to white guys. But when guys are “overly white” it just pains me. In this case, “too white” refers to when a white guy pretends to be black but fails. (Lack of) Fashion-wise, think baggy jeans, gelled or spiked hair, huge-looking white basketball sneakers, and wearing baseball caps backwards. Other characteristics include a limited music taste in mostly rap or hip hop [The last guy I dated unfortunately was "too white" and only knew of The Beatles through the TV show, American Idol. Ugh. That should have been a sign that things were not meant to be.], and generally thinking of themselves as being “gangsta.”

Exhibit A.

Another unfortunate feature I have also found among extremely white guys is that they seem to think it is a good idea to get a tattoo of their name on their body. This includes a nickname, their last name, and their initials. Honestly, I think this is a pretty dumb thing to get tattooed on your body. What–are you afraid of forgetting your name? Is it really necessary to get your name on yourself? We know that’s your name. You don’t need to show us, you really mean that it’s your name. It kind of just seems like the guy wants a tattoo but couldn’t come up with a better idea. And yet, I have seen guys do this quite frequently. In 90% of these cases of tattooing your own name, they are done in an Old English font, called Blackletter, like the lettering shown below:

The Uppercase is always preferred.

Below is a fine example of a typical White Boy’s tattoo of his own name. In this case, I do not know the actual person in the picture, so the name, “MERJ?” could be a nickname, last name, or something else; but you get the idea of an all-caps, Old English style font being used to display one’s own name.

Exhibit B.

A good website to read up more on getting tattoos in this such font is here: allthingstattoos.com/old-english-lettering-tattoos. At that site, it is explained that the Blackletter font is commonly used because it is a calligraphic font, known for looking hand-written in unique ways. However, why only the uppercase is used, is beyond my knowledge.

That is a general background on “too-white” white guys. Why they seem to like me, I don’t know. I don’t think of myself as also being very white. I would never identify with the white bread, mayonnaise-loving ultra white man’s society. Below is a fabulous clip from one of my favorite movies, Undercover Brother. (And no, I don’t like the movie, because I am a “whitey” poser.)

Exhibit C.

Maybe the reason very white guys like me, is because I am not very white, playing off the idea that “opposites attract.” Maybe for the white guys seeking a vacation for something different than themselves, but it doesn’t really play in my favor.

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One response

22 03 2010
phil

5 stars for neil! ;)

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